“It’s a lot more helpful to meet with adults who wants help than it is to meet with a teenager (or child) who doesn’t want help.” – Lisa Damour, Ph.D.
Is your toddler a tantruming mess? Is he hitting or biting? Unable to sleep?
Is your school-aged kid defiant? Is she struggling with friends?
How about a teenager who is on an emotional rollercoaster? Who doesn’t seem to talk to you anymore?
Could a mental health therapist help?
Maybe… Maybe Not.
I’m a licensed and board-certified psychologist suggesting that you consider … not taking your child to therapy. I spend my days training the next generation of mental health therapists and seeing my own clients and I’m suggesting that taking your child to therapy might not be the most effective course of action. Hear me out before the attacks come.
Therapy with Teens and Children is Effective
There are several evidence-based treatments for children and adolescents that do work. If your child has symptoms clinical anxiety, depression, or a neurodevelopmental disability, or you even suspect they do, get them evaluated by a professional. Early intervention and treatment can be incredibly effective. Parent-Child Interaction Therapy is great for younger children. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy can be incredibly effective for teenagers.
Psychotherapy with Parents and Family Therapy are More Effective Alternatives
If you’re still deciding if your child needs therapy or your child is in therapy but you still are unsure how to connect and help them, I suggest you seek therapy. One of the biggest factors in the success of psychotherapy is motivation. Because therapy is work. It’s work to identify your relationship or family goals. It’s more work to reflect on your own emotions, behaviors, and thoughts that might be getting in the way of the life you want. It’s a huge lift to change your thought or behavior patterns in order to improve your mood or relationships. While there are plenty of effective therapies for children and teenagers, your child needs to understand the problem, discuss the problem, and take steps to address this problem. This is a lot to expect from a young brain.
Psychotherapy with Parents is a Great Alternative (or Adjunct) to Child-Focused Treatment
Psychotherapy with parents cuts out the middleman and can improve the most important relationship in your child’s life: their relationship with you. What if a therapist could help you understand how you respond to your child? What if a therapist could give you a script for managing your child’s emotions (and your own)? What if you could consult with an expert on child development to determine what is normal and what is a sign that more help is needed?
These are the things psychotherapy with parents can address. Parents can benefit from a space to process their own expectations of their children and reactions to their children. Additionally, parents can learn tools that psychologists utilize to help children with common issues like emotional regulation, social skills training, and assertiveness. Once you learn these skills and understand your child and yourself better, you can help your own child.
Don’t take my word for it. Research supports the idea that parent-focused interventions
can be incredibly helpful when a child meets clinical criteria for a mental health disorder.
- Is your child particularly anxious? This study found that a parent intervention was as effective as a child-focused intervention on anxiety outcomes and the parenting intervention was superior in adjusting the family environment to be less conducive to anxiety.
- What about a child who doesn’t seem to listen or follow rules? This study found that interventions that focused on parenting, like Parent-Management Training and Parent-Child Interaction Therapy, were effective tools in reducing disruptive behavior and improving parenting skills.
- Is your teen struggling with anxiety or depression? This study found that treatments that involve parents were superior to therapy for teens alone.
Therapeutic interventions with parents work as well, if not better, than interventions with children alone. That is because parents have the power to alter the child’s environment. They can make changes that facilitate improvements in sleep, eating, organization, and behavior. This can often be achieved with – or without – the involvement of the child.
Help is Waiting
Like a fitness routine, the best one is the one that you will continue to do – because you enjoy it, because it works in your family’s schedule, or because you can see results. So, if your family is struggling, consider what type of therapy works best for your family. Research shows some of the best outcomes are when parents and children are involved in therapy together. Healing happens in relationships. A good relationship with your child, regardless of the current struggle, is the ultimate goal for both of you.
About the Author:
Meghan Owenz Ph.D. is a Board Certified Counseling Psychologist, licensed in FL and PA, and has PSYPACT approval to practice telepsychology in 40 states.
References
Helander, M., Asperholm, M., Wetterborg, D., Öst, L. G., Hellner, C., Herlitz, A., & Enebrink, P. (2024). The Efficacy of Parent Management Training With or Without Involving the Child in the Treatment Among Children with Clinical Levels of Disruptive Behavior: A Meta-analysis. Child psychiatry and human development, 55(1), 164–181. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10578-022-01367-y
Lebowitz, E. R., Marin, C., Martino, A., Shimshoni, Y., & Silverman, W.K. (2020). Parent- Based Treatment as Efficacious as Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Childhood Anxiety: A Randomized Noninferiority Study of Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 59 (3), 362-372.
Pine, A. E., Baumann, M. G., Modugno, G., & Compas, B. E. (2024). Parental Involvement in Adolescent Psychological Interventions: A Meta-Analysis. Clinical Child and Family Psychological Review, 27 (3), 1-20.